a relationship on the rocks

I have been neglecting a relationship for a long while. The relationship is with my Father in Heaven. My life the last couple months has been difficult, to say the least. I lost everything that I thought defined me. Because God allowed this to happen, I was lost. People told me that God had a plan for me, and I asked Him, "what exactly is this plan." I could not see God in my life at all.

I figured, that if God was ignoring my pain, then I would ignore Him. I quit praying. I thought, He wasn't listening anyway, so what was the point. In fact, I turned away, and refused to look back. In the process, everything got worse. The pain got worse, and life was not getting any better. I was sinking further and further into the abyss of loneliness. I was hurt, broken and beaten. I was engulfed in a sea of lies, put there by Satan, and I fell for them hook, line and sinker.

Not to long ago I went to visit my pastor, and he said, I had a choice. I could believe the lies and take myself further and further into the hole, or fight against Satan and start looking towards Heaven. I told him that I had ignored God so long, I didn't even know why he would want me back. Pastor said that God always takes back his children if we repent; He loves me enough to take me back no matter how many times I get angry. He sent his son to die for me. Pastor also said that reading my bible would help me protect myself from Satan. I was leery, but I did repent. A weight of months of grief and turmoil was lifted. Things weren't sunny looking, but I felt like I had a chance.

I started reading my bible. I have had a schedule of bible readings I copied from another bible of mine, and decided to dig them out. I realized that I could read my bible before work. I tried it for a few days, and it was the perfect time.

When I arrive at work, I have around an hour and a half to read a few of the assigned scriptures. I usually am able to ready two or three of the assignments at a time. When I am done reading, I pray as well. Sometimes they are tearful prayers, and sometimes they are thankful because he has kept my family safe through the chaos of life. Today, I finished the first schedule, and am now on to the second. I am excited.

Since I started reading my bible, praying and watching for the lies Satan tries to put in my head, my heart has become even lighter. When something happens, I may be disappointed, but I am still okay.

In conclusion, my relationship with God will never be perfect. There will be times when I will feel forgotten, but I will also know that it is Satan that is making me feel that way because God loves me too much to leave me alone. He will ALWAYS be there.

That is the random thought for today.

~To heavenly relationships

Food

Wednesday, the 23, was my first cooking class. My group made pan fried tilapia with broccoli and mustard sauce, and a California salad. It was delicious.

I love to cook. Taking a recipe, buying the ingredients, and then putting together the puzzle by building the flavors one ingredient at a time until I end up with a masterpiece that is hot and bubbly. I then scoop out a portion and savor the work of art. Fantastic.

A lot of times, I do not like to cook, because it is only for myself. However, every once in a while, I have a small dinner party with friends. I ask my friends several days in advance. I then scour through my cookbooks and find the recipes that will fit my guests, and fit the theme I feel like bringing out for the night. It takes me a few days to build a menu that I am satisfied because I want it perfect. I plan everything from the salad course to the dessert and wine, a red for beef or red sauces, white for white sauces, chicken, and fish. My main dish is always complete with at least two side dishes that match the meat or theme of the dinner. I want it perfect. The day of, I do my prep work several hours before so I have time to get ready and cook before the party.

About an hour before people arrive, I make the food so the smell of deliciousness fills my apartment. While the food is in the oven, crock pot, or simmering on the stove, I set the table with my best dishes and silverware and some nice napkins.

When my friends arrive, and the menu is ready, I dish it up by course, and then I watch them as they eat. A cook always likes to see their guests enjoy the food they made.

I take pride in the food I make because I think I am good at it. I hope that you have something you take pride in as well. Whether it be something personal or a hobby. It does not matter. Living a life with just a little bit of pride in yourself, is self esteem. Everybody needs to feel they bring something to others' lives. Otherwise why do we live.

I use my love of cooking to give back to those I love and consider friends. What do you do??

~to giving back

Fall

Fall by far is my favorite time of the year. I love nights so crisp and calm that you can hear what is going on across town. I love walking through the leaves and listening to them crunch under my feet as I go for a walk down the street. The idea that I soon get to bring out my sweaters and come in from the outside with rosy cheeks makes me smile. Going to the apple orchards to drink homemade apple cider and eat an apple turnover for a snack after picking out your favorite pumpkin makes for one of the best Saturday afternoons.

What brought this up?? Today is the first day of fall. The beginning of a change in our weather. Even though on the flip side of fall is winter, which I do not mind, it is something we cannot change. Life is also that way. Changes come and go and not always with our permission. But life changes can also bring out qualities in ourselves that may change our lives for the better, like the color in the leaves before they fall of the trees and turn brown. Changes can be for the worst, like the snow that comes at the end of fall that so many of you despise. As of late, myself and my family have embarked on some changes. My changes started a few months ago, and felt like they were for the worst. Even though my circumstances have not changed lately, like I had hoped, I am more at peace than I ever have. As for my family, their change is and will be for the good. But like all best laid plans, not everything works out like you hoped. In the end, my family will be better off and have accomplished one of their dreams, but in amongst the change, there has been frustration, tears, and other problems to compound the situation.

Life changes can be tiring and bleak, but still bring out abilities in people that they never new they had. Just like the leaves on the trees. When they first bud in the spring, they are green. But as September rolls around, we get to see the changes the leaves bring...color and beauty amongst the wet and sometimes cold that the reigns over most of the season.

~To life and Fall

Waiting, and waiting, and waiting

I went to the Mc Donalds in town the other night before going to the movie. I waited in line to get to the counter, made my order, and then had my tray pushed over to the side so I could wait for my food. Doesn't fast food mean you should be able to get your food without having to stand with two other people waiting to get their food? I don't get it.

Why when I pull up to the 20 items or less line in the grocery store do I end up waiting behind someone with a cart full of groceries? Was the sign not read by the customer, or did the person at the lane think that a customer with the correct amount of items not come through? What's the deal?

After planning a get together, with some friends or acquaintances, do you have to wait because not everyone is there yet? I don't mind waiting five, even ten minutes, but twenty to thirty? No way! I say...lets get the show on the road folks.

I don't miss understand me, I do have patients. But only when the patients is for people that really need me to wait for them, such as people who are new at their jobs, or happen to have an accident along the way. However, if the person made me wait just because they did not start out soon enough or decided to look over the rules, and then made a mess of things, that makes me very inpatient.

Some people I know think I am crazy for wanting to leave or get ready around two hours early and get there 15 to 20 min. early. It is because I would rather wait for them or the event to start before the designated time rather after the time agreed upon.Well friends, now you know why.

~to being early

socks

I like to wear socks. I wear them in the winter time to keep my feet warm but not sweaty. I also like to wear socks in my work shoes because there is nothing more uncomfortable than feeling like you have soggy shoes. On wash day, I gather my clothes, put them in the washer and let it run its cycle. Next the clothes goes in to the dryer and then taken out to be folded later. When I decide to fold my clothes, I am missing a sock. Did it make it into the washer to begin with? Did it fall between the washer and dryer? Or did it not get taken out of the dryer? After checking all those places it still cannot be found. Where did it go??? Well, I believe it went to sock heaven. Yes, I know you had no idea a place like that existed, but it does.

In sock heaven, the sock must first be allowed in. While standing in front of the fluffy cotton gates, St. Sock checks the book of lint to find its master's name, size and color. If all categories are met, the sock is allowed into sock heaven. The sock the patiently waits to see it's mate the next day it's master does laundry. So, the next time you are doing the wash and come up short one sock....it has most likely gone to sock heaven.

Yes, I know that the entry is really cheesy. However it is, none the less, a random thought.

~Good luck washing.

Lucy

I personally do not have a pet, but my family has a pet and I treat her as my own. She is a dog named Lucy. She is a German Shepard and Golden Retriever mix; she is a mut. While I was walking Lucy tonight after I came home from the movie, I was told of some family trouble. Since I promised to walk Lucy, I went to her pen and let her out. She jumped at me, and licked my hand. Even though I try, key word try, to scold her for jumping up, I really do not mean it because it is her greeting. No matter what, since she was a little pup, she could not be broke of the habbit.
While walking, I thought about the times where we would stop in the park and just hang out. She would lick and jump all over me, but when she settled down, she would sit there and looke at me panting, her head cocked to one side, and looking at me as if saying... talk, I have all the time in the world; so I talked. I told her all the secret thoughts on my mind, every hope and disappointment. Every once in a while to remind me she was still listening, she would lick me on the face. At times when I cried, she would let me bury my face in her thick soft fur. When my face was red, and she heard all my secrets, she would look at me...as if saying its okay, things will get better. We would get up and start towards home. As we would walk, Lucy would look up at me and remind me that she would will always be loyal and love me.
After hearing the news about my family, I was worried. But because it was dark, I often reached down to pet her head. And she was there, like always.
The day Lucy dies, I will be heart broken. But all the secrets she knows, will go with her. If our pets will be in heaven, I will look forward to seeing her there.
She is my pet, my friend, and my counselor.

~Until next time

resumes & my learning process

I have lately been looking for a different job, like a lot of people. Because I spent 5 years at the same job, I have not had to send out many resumes. Doing a resume for some people maybe easy, but for me, it has been an adventure and many lessons learned. The first resume I sent out, had miss spellings and font that was not the same boldness. Woops! The next version had good spelling, but had the wrong name of the contact person because I had several different versions of my resume open at the same time. How could I have done that??? Next, even though I thought I had reviewed it well, I ended up have the wrong objective at the top, but the spelling and contact person was correct. On the last resume I sent out, I decided that I would use a fax machine. Since I thought it would be more reliable than e-mail and faster than the mail. But... instead of making a cover sheet on the computer, I wrote on a sheet of paper, what I thought was good hand writing. Before making the mistake again, someone mentioned to me that I could make a cover sheet on the computer instead of having to worry about trying to make my awful handwriting decent. Why did I not think of that???
Some people may read this and wonder why I was so slow in figuring out what sounded like simple things. Well, I guess I was in a hurry because I wanted to get as many sent out as possible, and because I was desperate in finding a different job. Therefor, I did not slow down enough to think through what might look good to potential employers.
Even though I made these mistakes with my resume, I have learned to slow down, not be desperate and fix the mistakes made so they are not made again.
I am proud to say that my resume looks perfect. All spelling is correct, objectives are looked at twice or three times as are the contact persons information, and I have a fax cover sheet typed and ready to be used.
As of lately, I have not found a job that fits my credentials; when I do, I will be ready with a cover letter, resume, and ,if need be, a fax sheet ready to impress. The process I am working though in the area of job hunting, has stretched me to a better person. Also, there have been lessons learned.